state of FEAR

I have this fear.

Ketakutan yang membuatku tidak bisa fokus mengerjakan apapun. Bahkan menulis disini, yang biasanya bisa jadi terapi, tidak memberikan efek apapun. I can't talk to anybody, because... I just can't.

Sebenarnya aku bukan pribadi yang sebegitu tertutupnya dan ngga bisa terbuka sama orang-orang, tapi selalu ada hal-hal yang kusimpan sendiri. I'm a loudmouth person, for a skindeep thingy. I kept the ''confidential files'' for my own. Karena sekali dua kali aku menceritakannya pada sembarang orang, they just don't understand, or being judgemental, or even the worst, they pity me. Setelah itu rasanya seperti kapok. And after years, one day I thought I finally find person who understand me, who speak on the same channel. But then things change. So i put that files back on the chest and locked it.

Sometimes, things I kept in the chest pounding from the inside.
They want to came out.
I can't let them go, I'm all alone.
I can't let them go, they gave me this fear.

Maybe I need more coffee.